Building rapport … fast part 2
In my last post, I talked about building rapport to increase the number of leads you have.
I’ll summarize the post very briefly. When building rapport you will need to talk to people. Here you have two choices. You can talk to them by way of the phone or you can meet and talk to them in person. I don’t think that one way is better than another.
There are certain strategies that can be used whether you are talk on the phone or talking face to face.
The keys to building rapport quickly are as follows. Having a caring attitude. You must genuinely care about people if you want to be able to build rapport fast. If you don’t, then most of this will be lost on you. The second is to have the heart of an explorer. You must seek out things that you and the person you are talking to have in common. You must ask better questions. Better questions get better answers. Finally, you need to be an active listener.
Read the entire text here, How to build rapport … fast!
Building rapport when face to face
In this part, I want to show you how to build rapport when talking to someone face to face.
The main difference when building rapport face to face is that there are visual cues involved. These can be as overt as a smile or as covert as reading someone’s body language.
Let me start with the science of building rapport. I’m not going to get all technical on you. You can read the medical papers and journal articles if you would like to investigate this in more detail.
Scientists are constantly studying the human brain. Trying to figure what makes us tick. One of the most interesting things that they have found are “mirror neurons.” These are brain cells that react to what we see in the world. An example of this is when we see someone with a nice, pretty smile. These cells react to that as if the observer is smiling. It makes them feel good or happy. That’s right, the brain can’t tell the difference between your smile and when you see someone else smile. You will have a similar or the same react no matter who is smiling.
It may be these neurons that are responsible for a technique used in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), called “mirroring.”
Mirroring was discovered by scientists who were researching the science of attraction between people. They wanted to know if there was anything to predict whether two people would find each other attractive and build rapport.
The study was conducted in a night club. What better place to study attraction than the proverbial “meet market.”
What they found was that when people find each other attractive that they work their way into synchronizing their speech, their body language and their gestures. They were mirroring each other.
They found that people would lift their glasses to drink at the same time and put their glasses down at the same time. If one person put their arm on the table, the other would follow and do the same thing. If one crossed their legs, the other would soon follow.
Mirroring, as a technique, is used in NLP. The theory is that if you mirror the person that you are talking to that you can easily build rapport with that person.
Remember the mirroring brain cells.
As humans, we are most comfortable being around others who are like us. A plumber might feel out of place at a medical conference. If you walked into a room where everyone had their arms crossed on the chests and your arms were by your sides, you might feel out of place. To fit in, you would, most likely, cross your arms as well.
NLP says that one can form a subconscious connection with another person by mimicking or mirroring the other person’s body language, the gestures that they use and the choice of words that they use when speaking. This would be done by observing the other person’s posture, physical gestures and speech patterns.
Some examples of this would be to see that the person is leaning toward you. You would mirror this, by leaning forward toward them. If the other person “talks with their hands,” you would do the same thing. If they call McDonald’s a restaurant then you’d have to call it that and not use the term fast food joint.
On a subconscious level, their brain would perceive you as someone who is like them. They would see you as a friend rather as a threat.
The science would seem to back up the NLP technique.
For me, a little mirroring would go a long way. If you mimic or mirror too much, it just gets creepy!
I would suggest that mirroring should be used but, use it subtly and sparingly. You want to be perceived as friendly, not as a stalker.
I still say that nothing beats a warm, friendly smile and a firm hand shake. Observe the person that you are approaching and offer them a sincere compliment. Ask them about themselves and find something in common with them and share that with them. When that line of conversation ends, you will need to find something else that the two of you have in common. The more things you have in common, the more alike you will be. The more alike you are, the more they will like you. It really is just that simple.
People love to talk about themselves. They love anyone who will allow them that pleasure. Be a good listener!
Hopefully, between the two articles you can find new ways of creating and building rapport with new people.
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